


The Sad Truth

by NiniAtTheYAC



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Nini's struggling and Gina's a saint, OCD, Seriously this is so depressing I'm kind of sorry for posting it, me projecting onto nini? more likely than you'd think, writing it was cathartic but it's not very pleasant reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiniAtTheYAC/pseuds/NiniAtTheYAC
Summary: With opening night drawing near, Ricky finally sees that Nini has been hurting a lot more than she's let on, the only problem is that he's not sure he knows how to help her.Kind of connects with my one-shots "You know I never Wanted To Hurt You" and "If My Heart Breaks It's Gonna Hurt So Bad" but can be read on its own.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	The Sad Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Please use your best judgment when deciding whether or not to read this fic! I wrote it a long time ago and then literally said to myself "wow, that's sad, I don't know that anyone needs to read this", but tonight I was helping a friend and this work came up and I decided to just go ahead and share it. BUT it does deal with some detailed description of disordered eating behavior, anxiety, abandonment, there's one brief, vague, mention of self harm - the point is, read it only if you think it will not cause detriment to your mental health.

People assume a lot of things about Nini and Ricky. People assume that Ricky is the more sensitive of the two of them. People assume that Nini’s stable home-life allowed her to grow up a well-adjusted and happy kid. People assume that Nini is fine and that if she wasn’t she’d say something. People are wrong.

Ricky has known Nini long enough to know all of her tells. When she’s sad, she has trouble making eye contact. When she’s anxious, she fidgets. Bounces her knee, wrings her hands, twists her hair around a finger. When she’s lost in her head she chews her lip, not in the cute way that it’s often described in the books, she chews till her lip hurts and bleeds. When she’s trying not to cry she closes her eyes and takes slow, deep breaths. 

Ricky has seen Nini doing all of this in the past few weeks, and for the first time in his life, he doesn’t know what to do about it. Normally, Ricky would call or text her and they would find time to get together and talk about whatever was bothering her. When they were dating, if he saw her fidgeting or getting upset he’d just go over and put an arm around her or take her hand or kiss her cheek. Things are different now. Things are messy and confusing and the only details he knows about Nini’s life are second or third hand from their mutual friends. 

He remembers the night he was at her house. She said that they were friends, that they always would be, that he could talk to her about anything. So, how then is it that he can look at her and see her hurting in ways that no one else notices and say nothing to her? 

It’s the Monday after Thanksgiving, the show is only eleven days away, Gina is about to move away, and Ricky feels like he could fall apart at any moment. Rehearsal ended fifteen minutes ago, but leads had to stay late. As soon as they’d finished their additional work EJ had practically run out of the auditorium, Miss Jenn left shortly after, while Ricky and Gina linger for a bit, talking. Looking away from Gina, Ricky realizes that Nini is still in the room. Their eyes meet and he can see her take a physical step back from his gaze. She wraps her arms around her middle and turns around. Ricky can see her shoulders rise and lower slowly and methodically. His heart constricts. 

“I talked to her at rehearsal yesterday,” Gina says softly. Ricky turns to look at her, startled. “She could really use your support right now. She needs to know that you didn’t mean what you said to her on Thanksgiving.” 

“I never realized you two were so close,” Ricky feels strangely irritated by Gina telling him what Nini needs. But he knows his anger is misplaced. Ricky isn’t actually upset with Gina, he’s upset that it’s always been his place to know what his best friend needed and his place to help her and now he knows what she needs and it’s him but he doesn’t know how to make anything better. 

“No one has to be close to Nini to know that she’s going through it right now,” Gina says, giving Ricky an unimpressed glance. 

“Yeah, well, she doesn’t want to talk to me right now. I already know that. Nini will come to me when she wants to talk, she always does.” Ricky knows he’s making excuses for himself. He knows that Gina sees right through him too. He turns his gaze back to Nini just in time to see her shake her head as if she were trying to clear it, and then take a few stumbling steps to hold onto the wall. 

Ricky is on his feet without thinking, but he freezes once he’s standing. “Oh, for God’s sake,” he hears Gina mutter under her breath. He sees her stand, grabs her sports drink, and head over to Nini. Ricky could hardly believe himself. He can see her struggling and yet here he is, letting someone else take care of her. 

He watches Gina's approach, Nini, slowly. She gently rests her hand on Nini’s back. Nini seems to shudder a bit at the contact, but she doesn’t pull away. Gina offers her the drink, but Nini shakes her head. It occurs to Ricky then that it’s odd that Nini would refuse a drink. Orange Gatorade has been one of her favorites since they were kids. He can see her and Gina exchanged a few words before Gina half walks- half runs back over to him. “Ricky, do you have water with you?” 

“Um, yeah?” Things are starting to click, “Gina, what’s going on?” He asks, grabbing his water from his bag. 

Gina won’t look at him. “She says she’s just dehydrated,” Gina says. Gears begin to shift into place in Ricky’s mind. This isn’t the first time they’ve dealt with things like this. In sixth grade, Nini had gotten stuck on the idea that she would never know who she was if she didn’t meet her biological father. She didn’t know how to talk to her moms about it, so she enlisted Ricky’s help. With some digging they found him, but when they reached out the only reply he sent said that he was sure she was lovely, but that he had his own family and didn’t need to make a messy situation by introducing her into it. 

After that Nini wasn’t the same. Messes really got to her. She became more and more hard on herself. She had always been a perfectionist, but when her own father basically wrote her off for being more trouble than she was worth, well, that made her feel like everything she was would never be enough. Ricky had been the one who was there for her in sixth grade, and when her fingernails had been chewed to stubs and the skin on her hands was beginning to peel from all of her obsessive washing, when she became obsessive about eating only clean, pure, fresh foods, Ricky had been the one to tell her moms what was wrong, what had happened, and that she needed to see someone for help. 

Ricky stands with his water in hand, rather than handing it to Gina, he anxiously headed across the room himself. “Nini?” He said gently once he had gotten close enough. “I brought you some water.” Nini’s eyes were shut tight, and he could see up close details that had been escaping his notice for far too long. He could see every bone in her hands and wrists, her clothes were hanging off of her, her skin was pale and dry. Ricky couldn’t believe he had let it get this far. He also couldn’t believe how quickly it had gotten this bad. 

Nini looked up at him, cautiously. She reached out a hand to take the water bottle from him, and he tried to get a clear glimpse of her wrist. Nini had never been one to self-inflict pain, but she clearly wasn’t herself right now. “Nini?” Ricky said softly as she took small sips of water, “When did this start? What’s going on? What can I do?” 

Nini let out a humorless laugh, “Find a way to keep Gina around for the next eleven days so that she can go on instead of me.” Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. 

“Well, I can’t do that, but maybe you’d feel better if you ate something?” He wanted to make it clear to her that her secret was not a secret to him, but he also didn’t want to upset her any more than necessary. 

She shook her head. “I can’t do that Ricky,” her voice was watery as she spoke. “Everything is falling apart. I ruin everything. I have to make one thing right, and there’s only one thing that I can fix, and that’s me.” Ricky’s heart broke for her. 

“Nini, that’s not true. I know it’s gonna be hard for you to believe me right now, but there is nothing wrong with you. You’re human, just like the rest of us, and that is a perfectly good thing to be.” He took a deep breath and put an arm around her shoulders. He could feel her shoulder blades standing out and it almost made him physically ill to know that this was the reality of his brilliant and bubbly best friend. “I’m so sorry for what I said the other day.”

“Ricky,” she scoffed. “You don’t have to pretend to be sorry for comparing me to your mother. I know how you feel about her. It says a lot that you’d put me on the same level as her.” 

“No, well, I mean, I’m sorry about that too, but that’s not what I meant.” He pulled her closer and felt unparalleled relief when she willingly rested her head against his chest and leaned into him. “I meant, I’m sorry I said I didn’t need your advice and I’m sorry I called you my ‘buddy’. You and your opinion mean the world to me. I always have, and I always will need you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. Ricky could tell she was fighting desperately not to cry, but that was normal for Nini, she had always hated crying, especially publicly. 

“But I know you need me right now, and I’m so sorry I have been shutting you out. I’m here. I’m here, Nini, and I’m not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if anyone was offended or put off by the mentions of Nini's feelings of abandonment, I am not a product of surrogacy or adoption, but I have experienced familial abandonment, and I drew from my own experiences to depict Nini's feelings. For some at least mildly happier reading, check out pretty much any of my other fics! If you're not already, follow me on twitter @NiniAtTheYAC


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